tony
Dirty Jokes, Religious Jokes
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Sex in the Dark

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the
light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic
session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down… and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated
pleasure device… a vibrator!

Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic.

“You impotent bastard,” She screamed at him, “how could you be lying to me
all of these years?

You better explain yourself!”

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

“I’ll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids.”

tony
Blonde Jokes, Dirty Jokes
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Blonde Breathalyzer Test

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.

“I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am. Could I see your drivers license?”

“What’s a license???” replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

“It’s usually in your wallet,” replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. “Now may I see your registration?” asked the cop.

“Registration….. what’s that….?” asked the blonde.

“It’s usually in your glove compartment.” said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

“I’ll be back in a minute.” said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, “Ummm… is this woman driving a red sports car?”

“Yes.” replied the officer

“Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?” asked the dispatcher

“Uh… yes.” replied the cop.

“Here’s what you do.” said the dispatcher. “Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.”

“What!!? I can’t do that. Its… inappropriate.” exclaimed the cop.

“Trust me. Just do it.” said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs….. “Ohh no… not another breathalyzer……”

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